NRZQ

2018

June 26, 2018, 4:19 PM ϟ 0 Babbling

First of all, I'm sorry if my grammars are broken as fuck. Well, it's been a long time not communicating with english and also been living in kampung for a while.

2018? Well, so far, 2018 is not a good year for me. I'm still confused, on what good whats not. And i'm not really sure, am I depressed? or nah.

Let's put a situation here; My friends called me and asked me to hangouts, either chillin at some bars or mamak. I rather to lepak rumah je. But once i go out with them, i'm laughing so hard, being so talkative, throw some lame jokes. But once i get home, i'm down, im drowning, cant stop thinking about something.

I'm also not very sure am i extrovert, or introvert. Let me guess, i'm both.
Became extrovert when i'm with my circles, and introvert when with people yang tk rapat sangat or all alone.
I know, im not supposed to feel like this but nothing much i can do. I did tried my best to click around with the surroundings. You know, have a conversation with strangers, tegur here tegur people there but... i cant. I'm not what I was supposed to be.

Let's start all over again. from January, 2018. I get dumped, by someone that I love the most. And, it does hit me really hard. Its june and the effects are still on me. Well, love sucks. Let's make a list.

I got trust issues even with my close friends
Rather to sit at home watch some netflix/youtubee/animes
Overthinks about almost everything
Self deprecating humor
Suffocating

Because of that, i did a lot of horrible things just to forget everything. Only few of my close friends knows about what i did. And i know its wrong and also haram in Islam but yeah, and i regretted what ive done.

There's a lot of stuff that happened to me during this 6/7 months in this year, imma shortened it of course, I met this one girl from IG, mid February. Her name starts from N. She is someone else. Really different, tk macam perempuan perempuan lain yang aku kenal. Shes the one lah if u asked me. But... i guess, she is currently in the same situation with me.
Why, cuz i read her blogs, and also she feels me. And because of that, she is hard to read. Bukan nak bangga but normally i can easily read people's mind but not her. 5 months we've been knowing each other but still, i dont know what she wants.

Oh ya, we both are still single and no feelings attached but i guess, feeling aku je la kot ada kat dia ha ha.

Dah laaaa. aku rindu life aku yang dulu. Not attached feelings, not commitments, no problems, no issues and no dramas. 4 years been single and bebas gila takda masalah, ada masalah pun dengan group assignment je.

Okay habis dah so now lets talk about something else which is....

what i do for living.

Well i do freelance jobs after i broke up with my last ex girlfriend. I do my junior's assignments and in return, good payment, uber/grab, parttime event crew and i'm still looking for a permanent job. Got few offers but not sure why im so stupid, ignoring the calls and emails. And i also went for an interview and has been accepted but then i MIA. bodoh en.

But now, i'm helping my aunt and my family business. Agak lari juga dari bidang aku but yeah, i put 2018 is a year to find myself, my career and all. Next year, 2019, imma focus on my career. Thats it. Oh ya, i feel offended when some of my friends (not really close ah) been questioning me "weh kau ada degree doh asal kerja kampung" and "laaah jual tepi jalan dengan pasar malam ke, *hehhh* baik takyah score 3 pointers ke atas" wow just WOW. You dont even know how kampung's life is so shut the fuck up and stop judging, you high class narrow minded people. Business people's one day salary is like your one month salary tau so watlek ahh takyah nak gelak sinis mcm tu ah. Kereta pun mak belikan.

So yeah, that it. Selamat hari raya and salam zero to zero from me.